Archive for May, 2009

It is Finished

On this day
I took back my life
From the shackles
Of past mistakes
That held me fast
Binding me to choices
I regret – I loosed my hold
On stories that ended badly
On hearts and souls
That were not mine
That did not belong to me
On illusions that clouded
My hopes and dreams

I reclaimed my soul
And the freedom to give it away
Again to the One who redeemed it
Who made redemption possible
Who doesn’t just forgive
But separates wrong from right
And looses dreams again
Dreams that will come
Hope that is reborn
Joy that wells up again

I was set free
For freedom’s sake
And for Love
Both the Love already here
And the Love on its way to me
Across time and space
Love ordained to be mine
Love authorized and life-giving
Taking hold of the future
I called it into the present
I let go of the past
And its hold on me was broken
Written down on slips of paper
Burned into ashes
And washed away

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i know the songs you sing
in part because
they echo my own
sharing histories
two melodies suited for
blending into one
like a prelude
one part played
then the other
foreshadowing harmony
inviting blending together
your song and mine
i know the songs you sing

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dark clouds on the horizon
bring too much rain
hard ground cannot absorb the flood
running into gulleys, seeking lower ground
gravity finding its ancient course
down toward the canyon
it floods
it saturates
it soaks in anyway
despite hardness
despite resistance
despite everything worn down
callouses formed
over picked off scabs
hard shells eroding into softness
risking erosion

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on the mountain top
the storm hid on the other side of the ridge
boulders and rock strewn paths
piling up behind
so when the storm broke
rushing in
noise and light
electricity descending
rain slicked those rocks
trecherous obstacles, scrambling, slipping down

you were not there
exposed on the mountains face
i thought you were the mountain
impervious to pain and fear
unphased by lightning strikes
I slipped on your immovable stillness
your unpassable silence, your unfathomable apathy
as I scrambled over the boulders
away from the light and the electricity
toward lower ground, heart pounding in my chest

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lonely in that quiet way
not entirely silent
whispering in my ear
you are not enough
you are not worth it
you will never have what you want
why do you bother trying anyway
it feels hopeless
it feels like abandon
it feels like the echoes of rejection
long since past
but it is numb
whatever pain is there
nerve receptors too overloaded
to begin to process it
compassion for those who slice
into their own skin
in order to feel that pain
instead of the numbness
understanding why
lacking either courage or cowardice to try it
not quite that crazy yet
but reckless still
reaching out for substitutes
looking for someone to share this space
to fill up the quiet
to stimulate the numbness
ready to stand on the tallest mountain
and shout

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Night is long
Darkness in the beginning
Before your eyes adjust
Overwhelms everything else

Night is long
And walking alone
It is so easy to stumble
To lose your way in the blackness

Night is long
It seems to stretch endlessly
Promising more darkness
More obstacles, more fear

Night is long
But it is not forever
Even as it stretches out
Without the faintest hint of light

Night is long
But it moves imperceptibly
Toward morning – its darkness
Is not eternal

Night is long
But dawn will break
Light will flood again
So that darkness is only a shadow

Night is long
But daybreak is inevitable
Every moment drawing nearer
To the first glimmer of morning

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Soul Ties

it is a cliche
that giving your body
gives away your soul

but in cliches lie
buried truths hidden – depths of

ties that bind deeply
pieces of hearts existing
outside a body

portions of wholeness
ripped, ignored, and rejected
floundering alone

I want them back now
those pieces of me given
thoughtlessly reckless

I do not want to
hold these pieces of other
hearts any longer

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